Thirty Days in the Mind of a Rogue
by harimad-corlath
Summary: Rogue's diary during the month of November. There are six chapters in this story.
1. Section One

Title: Thirty Days in the Mind of a Rogue

Author: harimadcorlath

Rating: PG

Summary: Rogue's diary during the month of November.

Genre: Drama

Spoilers/Continuity: X1

Disclaimer: I don't own the X-Men. I just become their slave every once and a while and put out a crappy story about them

A/N: Ok, so I wrote this for a competition back in September but I hated it. I have now rewritten it and I figured I might as well send it out, even if I'm not entirely happy with it. But many many thanks go to Sarah and Jenni for helping me write this. I would not have ever touched it again if they hadn't insisted that it actually was a good story.

A/N 2: This is chapter one of six chapters. The story is complete so I'll be posting the next chapters as soon as possible.

**Monday, November 1st**

This afternoon Storm and I got sent on a pick up mission. The poor kid was living in a box. It took a little convincing but finally we got the girl to agree to come. I told her she could stay in my room with me. Her name is Kalika and she's eight. She seems to trust me pretty well, but she's nervous around the other kids. She didn't talk to them at all and just stayed by me the whole day. She'll talk to the Professor and Jean a little but only if I'm sitting right next to her. She likes to sit on my lap. I like it. No one likes to cuddle with the Rogue. It's dangerous but Kalika doesn't seem to care. I warned her about my skin first thing. I can control it most of the time so I don't worry about it too much.

There's plenty of space in my room because I have a large room on the third floor away from everyone else. For now, though, Kalika is sleeping in my bed. It's a little crowded but I don't mind as much as I thought I would.

_Rogue_

**Wednessday, November 3rd**

On Tuesday, Kali (that's what I've started calling her) and I went to the mall to buy her some clothes. She didn't think she needed half as much stuff as I bought her. But she hasn't ever had much, so I wanted to spoil her. She had nothing but the clothes on her back. I swear we bought one of everything at Limited Too. She looks so cute though. She's tiny. The Professor says she's eight but she doesn't look much older than six. Jean says that all she needs is good food and warm clothes and she'll shoot up like a weed. I still worry about her though. She's so small. I can't believe how easily I've adjusted to having her with me all the time. She's really smart and is interested in everything. She asks questions all the time. I enjoy having her around. I never realized until now that I've been kinda lonely.

We went horseback riding today. She really likes horses. She wasn't afraid of them. I was glad for a chance to go riding. I don't go more than once or twice a month but I've always enjoyed it. When I was a kid I used to go riding every week. My grandparents owned several horses and I would go out there every weekend. My mom and my grandma used to ride with me and I'm glad Kali likes it too. Those are some of my best memories.

I talked to the Professor today. We decided that it'd probably be better for Kali if I taught her this year and then she went to classes next year. She hasn't ever been to school but she's old enough that she would be embarrassed to be put in with the first graders. So I ordered another copy of all the first grade books. They should arrive on Tuesday.

_Rogue_

**Saturday, November 6th**

The party was fun last night, I suppose. Everyone seemed to have a good time. I spent most of the party standing by the wall watching people. Bobby and Kitty are in love. You can tell just by looking at them. Scott and Jean had an argument before the party. They acted the same as always toward each other but there was a slight bit of tension between them when they danced. I danced several times with Remy but I would have preferred not to dance at all. I noticed something interesting. Jubilee likes Remy. I can't believe I never noticed it before now. Jubilee deserves all the happiness she can get. Maybe I should actually break up with Remy like I had been thinking about doing.

Last night I slipped out of the party 'early' and as I turned the corner into my hall I saw someone going into my room and closing the door. I ran down the hall to my room I peeled off my right glove and I turned on my skin, and when I flung open the door with my hand raised to grab whoever was in my room, it was Logan! He had been staring at the bed and had spun around with his claws out. When I saw it was him I fell back against the door with my hand to my throat and willed my racing heart to slow down. Once he realized it was me he pulled the claws in but he still looked pissed.

By this time Kali had woken up and was staring at Logan in fear. She was sitting up in bed and I went to her and put my arm around her. 'Kali honey, this is my friend Wolverine. We're going to go out into the hall. You go back to sleep.' I told her.

She lay back down but didn't take her eyes off Logan. I pushed him out of the room and closed the door behind us. I could barely see his face in the dark hall.

'Hi, Logan,' I said, shifting my weight.

'Hey, kid. How yah been?' he asked, as calmly as if he'd been gone three days instead of almost eight years. He gave me a hug and I stiffly returned it. It's not that I didn't want to hug him, it's just that I'm not used to being hugged. Even before my mutation came out, when I could still touch, I still didn't hug people. I'm not sure why not. I just didn't.

When he let go of me I realized that I was still holding my glove. I began to put it on but he grabbed my hand and stopped me. That's when I realized that he was wearing gloves. And suddenly I was angry with him. Angry because he had been gone for eight years without thinking about me and suddenly here he was, hugging me and wearing gloves so I didn't have to.

'How was your trip?' I asked. If he could pretend it hadn't been years, then so could I. He looks the same but I know I've changed. I've gained weight in the years I've been here. I've gotten a little taller and cut my hair shorter. It's now a chin length bob.

His eyes flashed up to mine before he returned to his perusual of my body. I tried not to flush.

'Some stuff. Not much,' he said pulling out a cigar. 'Looks like you've been busy.'

I was confused, 'Of course I've been busy. I couldn't just sit around and do nothing the whole time you were gone.' I yawned. 'Much as I'd love to stay up and talk to you, it's one a.m. and I'm tired. Good night, Logan.'

He just grunted a 'night kid.' and walked away.

Kali was still awake when I came back into the room. I figured she would be. Once I settled down into bed next to her she went right back to sleep.

This afternoon Kali played with her Barbies while I worked out. Yes I gave in and bought her two of those nasty plastic things. Logan came in just as I was finishing up my work out. Kali reacted pretty well to the sight of him. She didn't run from the room screaming. She just moved a little bit closer to me and stuck like glue to my leg as we left. Logan looked a little surprised to see me in the gym. I don't know why he should have been. It's not like you can't tell I work out. Men, what can you say?

_Rogue_


	2. Section Two

A/N: I'm sure you noticed that there aren't actually going to be thirty diary entries but then again not many people actually write in their diaries every single day.

Tuesday, November 9th

I broke up with Remy today. He was very upset. He yelled at me right in the middle of the rec room. He said I was a cold selfish bitch and that the only reason I broke up with him was because my 'precious Wolverine' had come home. I calmly told him that I had already decided to break up with him before Wolverine came home. When he just kept yelling at me and I brushed past him and left the room. He kept following me until Logan got in between us and told him to back off because I obviously didn't want to talk to him.

Remy didn't seem to get the message until suddenly, he found himself face-to-face with three metal claws. It was almost funny how quickly his attitude changed. Instantly he was all apologetic. Logan growled at him and Remy turned tail and left. After he was an acceptable distance down the hall, Logan turned to me and asked, 'You ok, kid?'

Before I could say anything, Kali came running up and threw herself at me. She was sobbing and when I bent down she got a death grip on my neck. I wrapped my arms around her and she said, 'I thought he was going to hurt you, Mommy! I thought he would hurt you and you wouldn't be able to take care of me!'

She had called me Mommy. I was shocked. I never thought she would call me Mommy. She had always seemed to avoid addressing me directly and all of a sudden she's sobbing in my arms. I decided I had better get her back to my room. I stood up with her in my arms and when I looked around Logan was gone. I briefly wondered where he had gone but was too busy to give it much thought.

She fell asleep eventually. She's still asleep. I'm going to go to bed too.

Rogue

Friday, November 12th

Kali and I watched a football game on TV today. She had never watched one before. I like hockey better but football comes in a close second.

Logan came in and watched it with us. I was surprised at how comfortable Kali was with him. He doesn't seem to bother her at all. She doesn't seem to bother him either, like most of the kids do. She talked to me the whole time and you could barely hear the TV at all. He didn't seem to mind. He seemed to be paying almost as much attention to us as he was to the TV.

When I tried to apologize for Kali after she had gone to bed, he just snorted and said, 'S'kay, kid. I don't mind.'

I was impressed. I know Logan's never liked kids but he doesn't seem to mind Kali. He seems to be getting more tolerant in his old age. -) I don't see how Kali could bug anyone but that's just my personal opinion. I think she's adorable.

Rogue

Sunday, November 14th

I'm so proud of Kali! Today she walked up to Logan, who was sitting at a table in a corner, and talked to him. He looked up and glared at her. I could tell she was scared but she held her ground. I had to fight down the urge to run over there and 'save' her. She said something and his face softened a little. Then she said something else and this time he replied. I don't know what he said but suddenly she was grinning from ear to ear. He smiled back and just like that it was over. He went back to eating and she walked out the door waving goodbye to me on the way out.

Later today, I asked Kali what they had talked about but she just smiled and said, 'Nothing.' When I asked her why she called me Mommy, she just looked puzzled and said, 'Because you're my new Mommy. Aren't you?'

I had to hug her after that statement. Mommy. I am her new Mommy. I always wanted to be a mother. Now I am one.

Rogue

Monday, November 15th

Jean ran some tests on Kali today. She dealt well with the needles. Better than I usually do. It turns out she has x-ray vision. She seems to be able to control it pretty well. But that would explain a few things. I wondered how she had known what color underwear I had put on.

Remy still seems to be upset. He keeps his distance from Kali and me, though. Jubilee tries to keep him busy but he doesn't pay much attention to her. I feel sorry for her. I understand what it it like to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back. It's not any fun.

I've had Kali for just over two weeks now. Already I can't picture life without her. I love her. She's doing well in school. I started teaching her to read this morning. Already she can read most of the words in Hop on Pop. At this rate she'll be caught up with her class before next year. She loves reading and making up stories. I wonder if she'll be a writer when she gets older.

Rogue


	3. Section Three

Ok, here's part three for the two people who are reading this story:

**Wednesday, November 17th**

Jean announced today that she's pregnant. She's due in May. I don't know how I didn't notice. She's three months along with her second child. You'd think I would smell it on her. But I didn't even notice. I am really happy for her. Someday I would love to have a child of my own. Not that I don't love Kali because I do. It's just different. After everyone had congratulated Scott and Jean, I pulled Jean aside and asked her when she had found out. She said that she knew six weeks ago but she hadn't wanted to let anyone know yet. She let slip that that was what she and Scott had fought about before the Professor's party two weeks ago. He had wanted to announce it and she hadn't wanted anyone to know.

She's not going to be going on misions for a long time. She told me she wasn't even sure she wanted to come back after the baby was born. She said she wasn't needed because there are several younger mutants who want to join and she thought she was getting too old anyway. So she's going to remain at home during missions. It'll be different without her but I'm happy for her. She'll make a great mother.

_Rogue_

_- _

**Thursday, November 18th**

The X-Men had a mission yesterday night. We took out one of those labs. It was hard but nothing we couldn't handle, especially with Logan's help. It was the debriefing that was difficult. Everyone was exhausted and Logan was angry at me. After the Professor dismissed us, Logan and I had a nice long conversation about my being on the team. He wanted me to quit which I refused to do. Of course that made him even more mad. I finally got him to agree to do some levels with me in the Danger Room. After that if he thinks I'm not good enough to be on the team, he'll teach me everything he thinks I need to know.

He wasn't thrilled about that plan. But he agreed, so I'm going to hold him to it. I'm not going to let him try and weasel his way out it this. I'm as stubborn as he is. I'll win this argument.

Kali was happy to see me. I think she was worried. She stuck really close to me for the rest of the day. I think I'll see if we can take a little trip this weekend. Just the two of us. I bet she'd like that.

_Rogue_

_- _

**Friday, November 19th**

Logan and I sparred this morning. I thought it went well. He didn't have much to say, except that he wanted to teach me how to do Judo. So that I have some less violent ways to make sure people don't touch me. I was rather impressed with myself. I don't think I've ever fought that well. He won the match. I didn't make it easy on him though. I didn't hold back at all. I think he held back on me though. He didn't seem to be hitting as hard as he normally would have.

After lunch Kali and I packed our bags and Scott drove us to the train station. It was a lot harder for me to get on the train than I thought it would be. I knew it would be difficult because of what happened the last time I rode a train and because of Logan's memories of that same event. We made it to New York City though. The Professor is letting us use one of the flats that he owns. We're planning on staying in the city 'till Sunday evening. We got to the apartment too late in the evening to see anything today. We're going to go sight seeing and shopping. We're having a girls weekend. Kali's really excited about it. We're going to get a really early start in the morning.

_Rogue_

_- _

**Saturday, November 20th**

Today Kali and I went to Times Square and up the Empire State building and to Wall Street. We went to a Broadway play this evening. We went and saw 'The Phantom of the Opera'. That's always been my favorite Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. I can sing well but I've always wished I had the range to sing the part of Christine. That would be so awesome. Kali seemed to enjoy it as well. I managed to buy her the CD of it without her noticing. I'm going to give it to her for Christmas.

We didn't go to the Statue of Liberty. Kali wanted to but I just couldn't. Too many memories. All my worst memories are associated with the Statue of Liberty. I almost died there and so did Logan. I almost killed him. He was in a coma for a week after that event. After he woke up Jean told me that he was fine that it hadn't permanently hurt him. She said that the only thing that he lost was a week of his life. She didn't seem to think he minded all that much. But he shouldn't have touched me for so long. Or I should have woken up earlier and pushed him off sooner. Jean says there's nothing I could do. That I couldn't have woken up sooner. But I still feel guilty. There must have been something I could have done. Jean says that these feelings of guilt aren't healthy and that I need to forgive myself and move on.

_Rogue_

_- _

**Sunday, November 21st**

Kali and I are back at the mansion now. We got back late this evening. We spent the day shopping. We bought a lot of Christmas presents. And a lot of clothes for us. The professor gave us a credit card before we left and told us to buy anything we wanted. So we did. I got some gorgeous clothes and Kali got a few toys. I paid attention to the other things she looked at and got some ideas for Christmas.

Kali was happy to get back home. The first thing she did was drag Jubilee to our room so that she could show Jubes all her new clothes. Kitty filled me in while they were gone on how she and Bobby are doing. They're doing very well. She told to me that they did 'it' this weekend. She's positively glowing. She asked me not to tell anyone yet. I don't think she realizes that everybody else probably knows about it already.

I haven't seen Logan yet. I wonder what he did this weekend.

_Rogue_


	4. Section Four

A/N: Only two more parts left after this!

**Monday, November 22nd**

Well, I now know how Logan spent his weekend. He spent it looking for us.

Late last night I woke up because I heard my door closing. I sat up and turned on the light and there was Logan, looking ready to kill me. I was not really happy to see him as it was two o'clock in the morning and I didn't hesitate to tell him that. He just growled and glared at me. When Kali started moving around as if she was going to wake up I got up, dragged him out of my room and down the hall to the library. It seems like all I ever do is try to keep him from scaring Kali.

Once we were in the library he told me lots of things. He told me that he was worried about me, that he hadn't been able to find me and no one would tell him where I went. He said that he just wanted to protect me and that he couldn't do that if I wouldn't let him know where I was going. The whole time he was talking he didn't look at me once.

It took me a while to figure out what to say. Finally I said that I didn't realize he would care where I was so that was why I hadn't told him where we were going. I told him that he didn't seem to want to be around me so I had just tried to leave him alone.

He seemed upset at that. He said that he didn't know why I would think that he didn't want to be around me. He said that he cared about me and that he liked spending time with me.

We just kept talking in circles. He couldn't understand why I thought he didn't like me and I couldn't understand why he avoided me if he did like me. So finally we just both gave up and went to bed.

_Rogue_

_- _

**Tuesday, November 23rd**

Today, I asked Ororo what had happened on the weekend. I asked her why no one had told Logan where I was. She looked startled and said that he hadn't asked. She said that if he had asked her she would have gladly told him where I had gone. She hadn't realized that he was so upset. She said that he had disappeared early Saturday morning and that he had seemed to be in a slightly worse mood that usual but she hadn't thought anything of it.

Then I asked Jean if Logan had asked her where I had gone and she said that no he hadn't. I kept nagging her and finally she agreed to take a peek in Scott's head and see if he knew had talked to Logan. It turns out that Logan had asked Scott and that Scott had said that yes he knew where I was, Scott had then gone on to imply that everyone else knew too but that nobody would tell Logan. I was so angry at Scott. I had always known that Scott didn't like Logan but I never realized that he hated him that much.

I went and had a long conversation with Scott about that. I told him that if he ever did something like that again that I would kick his ass. I told him that what he had told Logan was not true and that I didn't appreciate him treating my friends like shit. He finally agreed to apologize to Logan but only after I threatened to suck some of his mutation out of him and go blow up his precious motorcycle.

I let him apologize on his own and told him that if he mentioned a word of this to Logan I'd really kill him. Logan doesn't need to know that I threatened Scott and that Scott gave in. I don't want him to think even worse of Scott than he already does. Not that there will probably be much worse he can think. I asked Jean to stay in the room with them. Mad as I am at Scott I don't want Logan to kill him.

I have to get Kali in bed. The school's going on a field trip tomorrow.

_Rogue_

_- _

**Wednesday, November 24th**

Today everyone from the school went to the zoo. Even Logan. I was impressed and told him so. Well, not those exact words but that's basically what I said. He just raised an eyebrow and told me that he was only going to keep the older boys in line. He looked as grumpy as usual the whole time but I caught him growling at the tigers and getting them to growl back when he thought none of the adults were paying attention. It was very funny, evidently the kids thought so too. They just giggled and giggled. The younger ones in particular.

They were impressed but still smart enough to keep their distance from him. All the kids seem to love him though. Especially the older ones. I've heard them talking about him on several occasions. Supposedly he has the most entertaining classes. He's teaching them how to survive in the forest with out supplies. That's useful stuff to know. I only know how to do that because I touched him and got all his instincts and memories. He is a very intelligent man. I'm constantly uncovering a new memory or skill of his. Most of what I know I learned from him.

Kali had a good time at the zoo. I don't think she'd ever been before. She liked the elephants best. You can take a ride on one. She and a couple of the other young girls rode them. I refused to get on one of the disgusting animals. Kali thought that was really funny. Logan was smirking so I guess he thought it was funny too. That made me happy. I don't care if he laughs at me, I just don't want him to be mad at me.

_Rogue_


	5. Section Five

A/N: Almost done! This section is a little shorter than the other ones but this was the only place I could put a break in the story. Tomorrow's will be much longer. I promise.

**Friday, November 26th**

Yesterday was Thanksgiving day. It was so funny. The Professor asked Logan to carve the turkey, which ticked Scott off, but Logan just popped the claws and started slicing. Ororo made him stop and use a real knife but not before I got several really good photos of him. I could have sworn he did it just for my benefit. I laughed so hard. It cracked me up.

Bobby made a ice sculpture of the Professor to put on the table but I guess Jubes thought it was ugly because while he wasn't looking she melted it down into a puddle. Bobby was mad but he couldn't figure out who had done it. No one was willing to rat on Jubes. I think we all thought it was ugly. Even the Professor looked slightly relieved. I know I was.

After your typical Thanksgiving Dinner, at which I ate way too much food, all the girls went to watch football. The men had to do the dishes because we ladies did all the cooking. They weren't too thrilled with that plan but we managed to convince them to do it. All except Logan who disappeared and magically reappeared just as they finished the dishes. He got all kinds of grief about that but he didn't seem to mind.

I didn't have to do cooking or cleaning. I just kept an eye on the kids while everyone else cooked. I never could cook. My mama tried to teach me. It didn't work. Finally she gave up in despair and said, 'I hope you marry a man who can afford to hire a cook.' I thought that was very funny at the time but now I realize it's true. If I had to cook for Kali and me, we'd starve to death.

Kali's eyes were huge when she saw the table. I don't think she'd ever seen that much food in her life. She must have had some of everything. I know she had seconds on several things. She must have a hollow leg, she eats so much. I can tell that she's put on a little weight just in the three and a half weeks she's been living here. Soon she'll start to grow and then there'll be no stopping her.

_Rogue_

_- _

**Saturday, November 27th**

Jubilee told me today about the conversation Kali and Logan had two weeks ago. She was sitting close enough that she could hear what they were saying. Jubilee said,

"Well, Kali just walked right up to Logan and said hi. When he looked up at her, she said 'Thanks for saving my Mommy from that man.' He just did that mumbling thing he does and said, 'Sure, kid.' Then she goes, 'Will you always be here to take care of Mommy?' And he said, 'Yeah. I've come back to take care of your mommy. I'll take care of you too if you want.' So she said yes and that was the end of the conversation. He went back to eating and she left the room."

It took me a while to understand what exactly transpired between them. Logan told Kali that he would always be here to save me and that he would take care of her too. I know he said he wanted to protect me but I didn't realize he was planning on staying and doing it permanently. He obviously isn't planning on leaving anytime soon. I had thought he meant to stay longer this time but it never occurred to me that he might be planning on staying here permanently. He must have changed a lot. I guess I don't know him as well as I thought I did.

_Rogue_


	6. Section Six

A/N: OK here's the end of the story. I hope you enjoyed it.

Sunday, November 28th

I announced to the team that I was quitting. Scott didn't seem too surprised by my decision. He made a derisive comment about Logan being a major influence in my thinking patterns and I quickly set him right. I told him that Logan had no say what-so-ever in what I did. I explained to him the real reason I was quitting and he apologized. I'm afraid I got rather angry at him and yelled one or two words I shouldn't have. But he just made me so mad. Scott's always ragging on Logan. He needs to get over it.

Speaking of Logan, I haven't had a chance to talk to him. He wasn't at the team meeting today and when I asked the Professor if he knew where Logan was and all he would say was that he was on a mission. He wouldn't tell me anymore than that even though I asked. I'm kind of worried about him. I wish he had told me he was going. I miss him. I hope he comes home soon, I don't like it when he's gone.

I got a letter from Logan today. All it said was for me to have a bag packed and be ready to leave at sunrise tomorrow. It said that Kitty had agreed to keep an eye on Kali. I'm so excited. I wonder where we're going. I asked Kitty but she wouldn't tell me. She's more stubborn than I thought she was. I would have given in by now if I were her. I must have tried every way possible to get her to tell me what she knew. But she wouldn't. I'm impressed.

Rogue

Monday, November 29th

At six a.m. while it was very dark outside, Logan came to get me. I was still in bed so I had to get dressed really quickly. He told me to put on several layers and a good pair of hiking boots. When we got down to the garage I saw that his own bag was in the bed of a new pickup truck. I think he must have bought it while he was on his mission. We set out and I didn't pay much attention to where we were going. Logan looked over at me fairly frequently but he didn't say much. I was glad for the silence and eventually fell back asleep. Finally he stopped the truck and I woke up when the car stopped moving. When I sat up and brushed the hair out of my eyes I saw that we had pulled off the road and that there was a rather steep climb to our right. We got out of the truck and Logan got a backpack out of the bed. I just watched him, unsure of what I was supposed to do. He grabbed my hand, saying that he wanted to show me something.

I let him lead me up the mountain. I eventually pulled my hand out of his grasp but he took it again every couple of minutes to pull me up. After a silent hour long climb we reached the top of what turned out to be a rather small mountain. When we entered the small clearing I was hot and out of breath but the view took what little breath I had left in me away. There was a small valley hidden in the middle of the taller mountains surrounding it. It was absolutly empty. There wasn't a single building or road marring it's peaceful beauty. The first thought I had was that I never wanted to leave.

We stood there just looking at it while my sweat cooled on my skin and my breath returned. When I began to shiver Logan squatted down and began digging in his bag. He pulled out two blankets. The first one he spread on the ground. He sat down and held the second one open to me, an invitation to sit with him. I sat down in front of him and he wrapped the blanket and his arms around me. I leaned back against him and asked him why he had brought me there.

He said that he thought I would like it. He said that it was one of his favorite places to come and that he wanted to share it with me. He said that he bought a large tract of land down in the valley and that he was planning on building a cabin right in the middle of it. He said since he was going to be hanging around he thought he had better have a house of his own.

When Logan said he was planning on staying it made me think of my decision to return his tags. I pulled the tags out from under my shirt and over my head. Kneeling, I turned around to look at him and told him that since he was staying he must need his tags back. I held them out and he took them thoughtfully. He didn't say anything but just put them on and tucked them under his shirt. I turned back around and he pulled me against him.

Then he began to talk again. He told me everything he had done while he was gone. he told me how much he had missed me and how he wished he had come back sooner. He said that he was sorry that he had gotten mad at me after the last mission. He said that he knew that I had grown up and didn't need him anymore. He said that he was sorry he had been nasty to me the first night he had gotten back. He said that he shouldn't have expected me to still be waiting for him and that he was glad I had moved on with my life while he was gone.

When he finished speaking I began to talk. I told him everything I had done while he was gone. I told him about learning to control my skin. I told him that I missed him and that I wished he had written. And most importantly I told him about the mission on which I had acquired Kali. He didn't say anything while I talked but when I reached the part about Kali his arms tightened around me and he buried his face in my hair. I finished speaking and he let out a shaky laugh and ran one hand through his hair.

When I asked him what was the matter, he hesitantly admitted that he had thought that Kali was my biological daughter and the thought of me with someone other than him had infuriated him. He said that when he first saw Kali he had been furious. Not with Kali but with me for not waiting for him. Even though he knew that it was unreasonable to ask that of me he had still hoped it would be true and that he had been disappointed when it hadn't. He said that he knew I didn't need a protector, but would I please not leave without telling him again? He said that he never wanted to be that worried ever again. He said that he nearly went out of his mind when Scott wouldn't tell him where I was.

I just laughed and told him I had no intention of even going to the bathroom without telling him and then I told him of my encounter with Scott. He laughed and when I turned my head and looked up at him, he was looking down at me with such love in his eyes that I was embarrassed but unable to look away. He hugged me to him and said that he knew he had been an asshole but would I be willing to give him another shot?

I was shocked. I told him that of course I would give him another shot. He then proceeded to lean down and kiss me senseless. When I pulled back for air, he took his tags back off and put them back on me. I turned back around and snuggled into him. We stayed that way all day. Just sitting and talking. Logan makes a great heater and I never got cold. We ate lunch up there and I told him about my decision to quit the team. He seemed relieved but he told me that if I wanted to be on the team I should and that he would be fine with that. It took me a while to convince him that I really did want to quit and that I wasn't just doing it to make him happy. But he believes me and I can tell he's happy about it.

When it finally began to get dark we packed the blankets, Logan took my hand and we walked back down the mountain to the truck. Logan drove into the city, and now we're at an apartment of the Professor's. Logan says he wants to do something tomorrow but right now we're sitting on the couch in front of the fire and Logan's trying to read over my shoulder. So I think I'll end now and pay him a little more attention.

Rogue

Tuesday, November 30th

Logan spent all night wrapped around me but that was all. Even though I've been able to touch for several years I don't think I'm ready for sex. I still don't touch people very much.

When we got up at a little before noon we went out for a late brunch and then we walked around the city. We eventually ended up standing and looking at the Statue of Liberty. We stood and studied it, and Logan asked me if I wanted to go up it. I wasn't too sure. Just looking at it brought a rush of memories. Not good ones at that. I said that I didn't know.

Logan wrapped an arm around my waist and promised me that he would stay with me the whole time. He said he wanted me to have some good memories at the Statue of Liberty. I reluctantly agreed and we walked to the ferry. We passed through the museum part very quickly and when we got to the stairs Logan walked right behind me, his hand on my back the whole time. When I reached the top I stopped and Logan stepped up beside me and pulled me close to his side. We walked to the window and looked up at the torch. I shivered and buried my face in Logan's chest.

He pulled me close to him and began to whisper to me everything he had been feeling while he was fighting to save my life. How angry he had been at Magneto. How he was worried that Magneto would rip him apart and leave him in pieces for us to clean up. But mostly how afraid he had been that he wouldn't reach me in time.

I told him how I had been sure that he would come save me. That I just knew he would rescue me. I told him how upset I had been on the train. How I hadn't wanted Magneto to hurt him. I told him that he shouldn't have stabbed himself just to save me. I said I wasn't worth it. He got angry at that and said for me to never say something like that again. I apologized and he just smiled at me and kissed the top of my head.

We went back down the stairs and this time Logan went down first. We went outside onto the platform and while we were looking over the water Logan leaned over and said, 'I love you, Marie.'

And just as I gave him a kiss and told him I loved him too, it started to snow.

Marie


End file.
